hannaforever92

Sleep easy... i'm wide awake.

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 07:12:29 GMT

I realized today that i don't think of you as often. I've finally trained myself to keep you out of my thoughts... well, until now, that is. It hurts to think of you, but at the same time it actually comforts me. I wish i could go back to January, I want to re-live that time in my life. The time when i felt loved and cared about.... nothing compares to the security in knowing that theres someone in this world who is completely devoted to you. When you left me, i died inside. I cried myself to sleep many nights, and couldn't handle being awake with the hurt, and agony of you not being apart of my life. It took three months to stop the constant grief i was enduring. When i was finally able to function, you came back.... You promised you'd never leave me again, and that I was your true love. I fell for all of it. All i've ever wanted in life, is some stability. I've never had it. In nothing, have i had stability. I move quite often, i have many fair weathered friends, and people come and go out of my life all the time. I want so badly to trust someone again... i can't trust anyone, anymore. You were the shoulder i had to cry on. You were the one who was always there to talk to me. You were the one who loved me more than anyone or anything in this world. I took it all for granted. And now i have nothing. I have many friends, but not one who i can call a true friend. All i have left are memories of you... .good and bad. Now you're depressed over someone who doesn't care about you. As much pain as you've put me through, i'll never have the heart to cut you out of my life. I feel your pain when you're depressed... even though your depression is over a girl you love much more than you love me. I love you unconditionally... if you lost both legs, both arms, and your face got torn off in a freak-accident, id always be by your side, and id always love you for so many reasons id never be able to explain. I'm unsure of how things will happen in the future between us... we could end up back together... we could fall in love again, or we could completely forget about each other and never speak to one another again.... only time will tell. I just hope that we both find some happiness.... we could find that happiness in each other if your brain wasn't so clouded.

On a less depressing note, I am sooo ready to see the Twilight movie. I don't particularly agree with the casting, but hey, i'm such a nerd for twilight, id love it and support it even if it was absolutely horrible. For some reason i always picture Edward with dark hair though... oh well, Edward is pretty much just an aura of perfection... i don't think the casting directors would've been able to find someone to live up to everyones expectations. I think i'll read twilight again.. for the fourth time, and live the magic once again.

For those who haven't already watched True Blood, i HIGHLY recommend it. It's similar to Twilight, but it has a lot more humor. There's a lot of wild vampire sex in the show... so, i suggest watching it without company or especially PARENTS around, i learned the hard way. I don't really like excessive sex scenes in television shows, but this show is so worth it!! I encourage everyone to check it out. If you don't have HBO, then you can look on surfthechannel.com or similar sites that offer free tv shows and such, and find it there.

Survey!! :D

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:32:56 GMT

#03 Do it!
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

The more i hang around you, the more hangups i get....

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:29:34 GMT

It's 4:14pm and i'm ready for school to officially end. I had 6 tests today... wasn't prepared for any of them =/ I don't really see the point of any of my classes, EXCEPT for english, english rocks. Everything else i can do without. Teachers are supposed to enjoy their job and encourage you to strive for excellence... unfortunately most of them hate their job and make you feel like you're not good enough. I highly doubt i'm going to look back ten years from now and say to myself, "wow chemistry was REALLY useful, so was advanced algebra.. woahh idk where id be without those fun classes!" I'll probably think to myself, "wow i'm so glad i don't have to go to high school anymore, it sucked dick!" I probably sound like a loser, but i actually do academically well.. well aside from math, i'm lucky to pass anything math- related. The whole school day i'm just lost in thought.. thinking of better places to be. I look at the time on my cell phone all day long and i can't wait to get home. Unfortunately, when i get home.. i don't get to chill out, i have to study and do homework... lately, i havent had any motivation to do hw, so i'm passing my classes by doing well on tests, i'm lazzzzy. School sucks.. but my love life does too. My ex's never leave me alone.. they don't move on. Whenever shit doesnt work out with their girlfriend's they come back to me looking to start over... they toy with me so much... i can't handle anymore of it :( Right now i just want to move away from it all... start over, meet new people.. have a life. For now all i can do is TRY to survive my junior year of high school, and look forward to graduating... even though that seems soooo very far away from now.